erlyons

I’ve been thinking about expressing myself via the medium of words again for a while, I just didn’t know what exactly to write about. I could write about how “lad dumped his girlfriend, the next day she won the lottery and her revenge was savage” or maybe 17 reasons Timone and Pumba from the lion king are your ‘spirit animals’ but it’s out there, people are doing it, they’re providing us with this information, it’s drip feeding into our minds already. I mean, does click bait exist because humans will always click, or do we always click because there’s click bait. If that’s not something to ponder over for a while, then I really don’t know what is.

Anyway, then I thought what is it that I think about? What do I find interesting? And then I had a minor epiphany  (nothing too painful). So word of warning I’m going to be coming in thick and fast with some real top level stuff. I’m talking real insightful, in-depth analysis of it all. We’re talking advertisements, we’re talking magazines, we’re talking events we’re just talking all of it. Mainly from an angle where we just passively let things happen without a second thought, we’re so out of tune with what we’re actually viewing things just don’t seem weird anymore. It probably doesn’t make much sense right now, but it will. You will see the light soon. I mean, don’t let this interrupt you living your life or anything, just have a read have some fun, do your thang, I’ll do mine, it’ll be great.

  
 

It was the year 2000, people were pretty psyched that the Millennium bug didn’t wipe out the population, the Millennium bridge opened for the first time and then closed for the first time two days later for safety reasons, George W. Bush Junior was elected Leader of the Free World* and girls started wearing those hideous black neck chocker situations and apparantley haven’t stopped. But what was so special about the year 2000? On the 22nd of May one of the best pop songs of all time was released into the world. I whole heartedly believe it should be our National Anthem and here’s why:

1. The Beat = Instant Happiness

Show me a man/woman who doesn’t automatically feel serotonin flood his/her brain after those first few beats and I’ll show you a liar.

2. Inspirational Message

“Reach for the stars, Climb every mountain higher, Reach for the stars, follow your heart’s desire” It escapes me, was that originally Maya Angelou or a Shakespeare?
3. Anyone and everyone can relate 

No matter your religion, your race, your ideology YOU can relate to this song. We’re all trying to get by in this crazy maze that is Life.
4. Positive vibes
The song/anthem I guess we can call it an anthem… has such a strong positive message for young people, it could potentially lower the crime rate in 12 – 18 year olds. “There ain’t nothing you can’t be, There’s a whole world at your feet” Perhaps they just need to hear it regularly to believe it.

5. It would be the best National Anthem of all time

I appreciate that most National Anthems are full of pride and history which is great, but we need to jazz it up, just a little (I’m not suggesting the number one hit single Just a Little from Liberty X here, still on the S Club thing). We would stand out and people might actually start to like us again.

6. It has a dance routine

I’m talking World Cup Final 2018, England Vs. Brazil, everyone can feel the tension, we’ve waited for this moment for so long, and then, Wayne Rooney et al. elongate their right arms to reach for the stars and the crowd goes wild. 

7. Comic value

David Cameron singing Reach for the Stars. Enough said.

8. The woman who wrote it deserves recognition

Cathy Dennis the mastermind behind the lyrics also gave us – Can’t get you out of my head by Kylie and Toxic by Britney. We owe it to her, she deserves it. THANK YOU CATHY.

  Now, don’t get me wrong I love the Queen, she’s ma gal, just gotta mix it up sometimes you know?

*Free world = The United States not Eminem’s rival gang in 8 mile. 

When the news broke last week that Zayn Malik and his piece of hair (see below) were leaving One Direction it was chaos. Young girls literally couldn’t even. The tears cried on that day alone would have been enough to revitalise the Colorado River. But now that a week has passed and we have had the time to get our emotions in order (If you haven’t managed that yet then you need to take a long hard look in the mirror) we can now respect Zayns decision to live a normal life.

So how does 1/5 of the biggest boy band in the history of the universe transition into a normal life? SO easy.

1. Going to the shop to pick up some milk, as a normal person:

2. Meeting with your bank manager, down the high street, as a normal person:

3: Stroll in the park, as a normal person:

4. Going to work, as a normal person:

5.Getting home after a long day, as a normal person:

6. Going anywhere, any time, any day, as a normal person:

It’s totally going to be the easiest transition. I mean Brian Mcfadden (Westlife fame) managed to do it, but then again Brian Mcfadden publicly left his kids with Kerry Katona, so maybe he’s not the best role model.

Anyway, Good luck Zayn, all the best in your normal life. Probs see you down the pub soon.

You know when you go out with all your mates, it’s Friday night, you’ve been waiting all week for this. Everyone’s out, even those friends who rarely come out have made the effort. You’re all having a great time, laughing, dancing throwing some tequila’s into the mixer and you know, its good, you’re enjoying yourself, but you just can’t help but feel something is missing. You can’t help but feel this night, this boozy night that could end up absolutely anywhere would be 100x better if your cat was with you.

That’s right your cat, or anyone’s cat. With the rise of Cat Café’s all over the world someone has taken it one step further and introduced the first Cat Nightclub. Cat Nightclub, let that sink in. I mean it’s one thing having a flat white with a feline friend nestling into your lap but trying to drink a pint, I fear would be a lot more challenging.

Where in the world would create such a juxtaposition of a place? Where would be the perfect location for worlds’ first Cat Nightclub? Where else but Tokyo. The Japanese, I believe do not know how to say no.  The cat club aptly named ‘Neko’ (Cat in Japanese) is located in a warehouse in down town Tokyo. I know what you’re thinking –  What if Ginger doesn’t like listening to Skrillex or David Guetta? Well don’t panic, the club has catered for the cats in the form of ‘pet’n’play areas. The rooms are separate to the main floor. They entail basically a cat’s wet dream, scratch posts, catnip dispensers, nuzzle stations, soft seating, the only thing they won’t enjoy is their human arch enemies being there.

Managing Director Tuki Yabe told the Tokyo Baka. “As a lifelong electronic music fan and dedicated animal lover, I thought this would be the perfect mix for the perfect club in Tokyo.” He expresses that clubbers can enjoy world class DJs whilst hanging with cats. He states “We’ll also be matching cats to music. The sleek, detailed Siamese goes perfectly with techno, though wouldn’t necessarily work with vocal house.” I think this is great, I’ve always said a ginger tabby just don’t scream progressive house, it’s so nice somebody is finally recognising, different cats for different sounds.

A night out where you can party hard and then pet even harder. Purrfect (sorry not sorry)

What ever is going to be next? Paint-balling with pigs? Karaoke with parrots?

Unfortunately this was just an April fools joke – one of the best ones of yesterday. But who knows, if there is enough demand maybe it will happen. One thing is for sure people love their cats so much they probably would take them out, not just out, out out.

Side note – if anybody does knows of any Karaoke with parrots events please, please let me know. WTR (willing to relocate)